A few reflections about The Pamodzi Inspirational Women of Portsmouth Awards how it felt to receive an award in March.
Today I'm feeling a little reflective. Thinking about The Grateful Hearts Club and the personal and professional journey I've been on to get to this point. In March I was the recipient of this award - Inspirations Women of Portsmouth 2021 - Business category and Pamodzi Creatives featuring me as part of their #inspirationalwednesday feature has reminded me all over again about what it meant.
It was so surreal and amazing to think that little old me trying to share what I know about gratitude had been acknowledged in this way. I had to battle with imposter style thoughts and shrink my overwhelm so that I could try and embrace the moment. Today I’m wondering if now I did? This whole year feels like a blur quite honestly. Maybe you can relate!
My journey with baby loss, miscarriage and infertility has been a long and rocky one to say the least. Loosing Olive, hope and the positive person I was has been one of the hardest things to work my way though. What I didn't realise is that during the struggle I not only lost myself, but I also lost the person I could be. I look back on these last two years and think about all I've achieved. All the goodness that I’ve invited into my life by being someone who was prepared to try. To work hard to achieve their goals, but the courage to make my dreams bigger than my fears. Just daring to dream.
At the time of the awards I was feeling really vulnerable and extremely overwhelmed by life. I didn’t feel like I wanted to shout about receiving one because there was a part of me that found it difficult to know whether I deserved it or not (thank you imposter syndrome + lockdown fatigue) There are also so many emotions wrapped up in getting to this point that I found it hard to separate them, it caused me to reflect and acknowledge everything that had happened. When I knew I would be receiving the award all I could think about was dedicating it to Olive and being able to say those words out loud without crying because making her proud is all I have and the closest I can feel to her.
Here’s what I somehow managed to say when I received the award…
‘This is a little bit overwhelming actually and very surreal. Just to be nominated for an award just felt really special so to win or be the recipient of one is a really proud moment. I just want to say thank you to my lovely Husband Joe for supporting me and going along with all my wild business ideas. My family – especially my Mum, she’s been such a big inspiration for me.
I guess I’d really like to dedicate this award to our daughter Olive who was only with us for such a short time, but she managed to teach me so much about myself, about love and life and without her The Grateful Hearts Club wouldn’t be here today. It’s a really special time for me to think about that, and the journey that I’ve been on.
I believe that gratitude brings hope and I’ve certainly been a person that felt really hopeless. So, if you’re someone who feels like that then I hope I’m a good example that there can be joy again. So, thank you everyone’
Today I just feel so proud…
Proud of everything I’ve achieved so far.
Proud I've turned my darkness into light.
Proud of being someone who tried.
Mostly proud for saying this speech without crying (I’m making up for today)
So much love and gratitude to anyone who’s been on the journey with me/us. And, if you read this and have some dreams that feel big and scary - I hope you find the courage to follow them.
Love + Gratitude
P.s If you missed the awards and want to watch them you can do so by clicking here